Schmuck Schumer: Sucking NY Dry Since 1998 – Vampire Bloodsucker Satire Tee
This garment-dyed tee is pure MAGA napalm—front features a South Park-style vampire Schumer in a $100-bill suit, fangs dripping taxpayer blood while he bites into a New York map labeled "The Swamp." Bold red text screams "Schmuck Schumer: Sucking NY Dry Since 1998!" Back delivers the kill shot: "He's a Parasitic Hemorrhoid on America's Ass – Time to Flush the Vampire!"
The soft, vintage-dyed cotton feels battle-ready from day one—perfect for rallies, Sunday press roasts, or triggering lefties in the wild. Relaxed fit layers under jackets for undercover ops or stands alone as a walking middle finger to D.C. bloodsuckers. Pair it with ripped jeans and watch Schumer's minions melt down.
Every $66.66 sale funds another stake through the swamp's heart. Grab yours before CAIR and the ADL issue joint fatwas.
Product Type: T-shirt Theme/Features: Savage vampire/parasite satire, bold political roast, South Park-style cartoon, taxpayer blood drip graphics Target Audience: MAGA patriots, anti-swamp warriors, fans of dark political humor and no-mercy roasts Occasions: Trump rallies, D.C. protests, Sunday talk-show counter-ops, bar meetups with based friends, flushing Schumer on sight
Product features
- Sizes S–4XL (Comfort Colors 1717 sizing – consult chart)
- 100% ring-spun US cotton, pre-shrunk – 6.1 oz/yd² medium weight
- Garment-dyed for vintage softness and color depth
- Tubular knit, no side seams, double-needle stitching
- Relaxed fit, sewn-in label, made in Honduras
Care instructions
- Machine wash cold (max 30C/90F)
- Do not bleach
- Tumble dry low
- Iron/steam low heat
- Do not dryclean
Flush the vampire. Wear the legend. #SchmuckSchumer #SuckingNYDry #MAGA_WINS_AGAIN 🧛💉🩸🤑💥
| S | M | L | XL | 2XL | 3XL | 4XL | |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| Width, in | 18.25 | 20.25 | 22.00 | 24.00 | 26.00 | 27.75 | 29.75 |
| Length, in | 26.62 | 28.00 | 29.37 | 30.75 | 31.62 | 32.50 | 33.50 |
| Sleeve length from center back, in | 16.25 | 17.75 | 19.00 | 20.50 | 21.75 | 23.25 | 24.63 |
| Size tolerance, in | 1.50 | 1.50 | 1.50 | 1.50 | 1.50 | 1.50 | 1.50 |
Garment-dyed fabric
The garment is dyed after it's been constructed, giving it a soft color and texture
100% Cotton
100% ring-spun US cotton for long-lasting comfort.
S to 4XL
Available in multiple sizes from S to 4XL (select partners) so your customers can find the perfect fit. Consult with our Comfort Colors 1717 size chart for all available sizes.
Double-needle stitching on all seams
The garment is sewn around the finished edges with double stitching, making it long-lasting
Without side seams
The Comfort Colors 1717 tee is knit in one piece using tubular knit, it reduces fabric waste and makes the garment more attractive
Country of origin
Made in Honduras
Machine wash: cold (max 30C or 90F); Do not bleach; Tumble dry: low heat; Iron, steam or dry: low heat; Do not dryclean.
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